Thoughts

Resolution

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Seems like only a few weeks ago I was as busy as the squirrels gathering fruit and vegetables to get me through the winter. This is the first year in probably 50 that I picked grapes.  The heady, earthy scent of grapes and damp  leafy vines had me reciting Keat’s Ode to AutumnIMG 7888.

But on today’s walk along the Mississippi River there was a  feeling of calm resolve. Like the final chord of a song. Everything in place as it should be. The frenetic activity of harvest, transforming, changing colors, and gathering is fading with the colors. Bare branches stand against the crisp blue sky. The chill in the air reminds me that Winter is coming ready or not. But, there is a resolution of Summer. Gratitude wells and I feel more grounded. The grasses are heavy with seed. Even the Chipmunks have found time to play. I don’t feel rushed rambling along the riverbank with Mico. Even the river flows slowly along carrying the last of the colored leaves south to the gulf. I find myself humming Thanksgiving Eve.
Sunflower

THANKSGIVING EVE
(Bob Franke)

It’s so easy to dream of the days gone by
It’s a hard thing to think of the times to come
But the grace to accept every moment as a gift
Is a gift that is given to some

What can you do with your days
But work and hope
Let your dreams bind your work to your play
What can you do with each moment of your life
But love ’till you’ve loved it away
Love ’till you’ve loved it away.

There are sorrows enough for the whole world’s end
There are no guarantees but the grave
But the life that I live and the times that I spend
Are a treasure too precious to save.

As it was, so it is, as it is shall it be,
And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath;
Many waters indeed only nurture Love’s seed
And its flower overshadows the power of death.

Autumn leaves against a bright blue sky with the Mississippi River in the background.

What I learned being a parent

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I have two daughters**. One Millennial and one Get Z; 14 years apart. Both are now adults and the youngest lives on her own though I see her nearly everyday. My husband died 10 years ago when the youngest had just turned 10. Thankfully, we had laid a solid foundation as parents; but, we were also unaware of existing challenges. I continue to find myself in a parenting relationship to both women; although we are more equals now.

What I have learned:

From the first breath – NEVER be afraid to love and choose love. I am their only mother. Nothing is more important than my love and my expression of that love through kindness, time, attention, patience, and support.  They deserve my affection without condition. I believe they chose me to be their mother. However imperfect or challenged I may be; I never go wrong by putting them first.

Putting them first requires that I take care of myself as well; tending to my own mental, physical, and spiritual health. Two things get me through 1. Airplane safety (put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others) and 2. Remember to breathe (advice from a mother of four when I asked her advice on parenting multiple children – she told me to not forget my labor breathing exercises.) When in doubt stop and breathe.

Child development mirrors human development. Don’t expect your child to have a mature nervous system or thought pattern. Educate yourself on human development so you understand what is and isn’t appropriate for an age. For example, understanding of cause and effect isn’t really fully developed until a child is around 12. And, 3 year olds shouldn’t be “in their head” learning to read and write. In fact that’s really not appropriate until after age 7 and the change of teeth. Trust in this process!

Be a good example even when it means showing your weaknesses and flaws. 

Be emotionally intelligent. Probably the most difficult lesson for me to learn since I wasn’t raised with emotionally intelligent parenting.

Be in harmony with nature. Observe the phases of the moon & the tides. Watch how children behave in alignment with the weather and natural rhythms. Ever notice how sometimes at the grocery store it seems like every kid in the place is having a meltdown for no reason? Check the moon or environment.

You can’t please everyone. Set your intentions and infuse your parenting with purpose; but, don’t continually strive toward a goal or get attached to the outcome. Each child has their own life blueprint. As parents we are consulting engineers who remove obstacles and interpret the blueprint for them until they can take over for themselves. When I see myself as a guide and consultant, it’s easier for me to find the right action and words.

Treat the first child as through they were the 5th. Ask, “If I had 5 children would I be so concerned about this behavior or statement?” It really saves a lot of friction.

But, it is the friction of the bow that makes the violin sing; so, there will be friction. It’s my job to carefully apply the friction and tension to create melody.

Carefully choose your battles. Don’t ask too many questions and of course, don’t ask questions you don’t really want any answer to.

Parenting is not my job. It is my choice of relationship in the world. My value as a human doesn’t directly correlate to being a parent.

You will have challenges. Trust your purpose, their purpose, and the process. Guard against outside influence and criticism. Ultimately trust yourself and trust your child.

Keep the picture big! Don’t hyper focus on minutia. Think Globally – Think Universally. 

You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees & the stars. You have a right to be here. – Desiderata

 

**I had one boy who died at birth. Someday I will write about how he influenced me as a mother and as an individual. 

It’s 2022 What is your purpose

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Home depot by lazytea df8ny0It’s a new year with the words beginning and new being tossed about with a certain amount of shade being cast on the previous two years where we battled through a pandemic. But, what is really new? What are we beginning? Where are we going and why? 

I love liminal spaces – laundry mats, travel centers, parks, stores. One of my favorites is Home Depot. It is a home improvement store. Who doesn’t want to improve their home? And, seems like we are always on a quest to improve ourselves and our homes so a store that provides nearly anything one could need seems like a good idea – right? 

You park your car, don your mask and find your way through the double doors. First thing you do is grab a shopping cart and you’re off on your grand quest. There are several ways to approach the quest. You can meander up and down each aisle deciding what to put in your cart or you can have a list for your project or needs and navigate from section to section only adding what you need. Time passes and you are suspended from your routine life. You might greet other shoppers or sales associates or have something customized for you. I always find myself accessing the web on my phone to get more specifics, compare prices, or look up a location in the store. You go to the checkout and exchange your hard earned money for what is in your cart, load it into your car, and return to your routine life. 

Now, how do you feel? Did you accomplish your goal of feeling improved or at home? Or maybe your goal was to just transcend your everyday life for a moment where there are no rules or “right?” That’s ok too.

Does what you put in your cart serve your needs? How about your purpose? 

Imagine going into Home Depot with no list or goals. Just put in the cart whatever you feel like buying? Will you feel the same way that you would if you were working towards a goal or purpose? It’s an easy way to overspend.

Life is a lot like Home Depot. If we have a purpose or even just a goal, then our time is well spent and we don’t deplete our resources pursuing whimsy. Each day our shopping cart is empty. Probably the same old cart as yesterday. Are you seeking? Looking to improve? Searching for home? On a quest? Without a purpose in life you may spend all your time searching the internet or world for what to put in your cart. You might even overlook the fact that you don’t need anything in your cart at all. Just the experience of waking to the possibility an empty cart provides is enough. What is your purpose? What’s in your cart?

The Covid pandemic has changed our world. Many people have reevaluated their life purpose. I raised my daughters in Alaska. They were educated at home. In fact I could often be heard telling someone, “I put the Home in Homeschool.” Indeed we were home most of the time. We spent a lot more time at home than nearly everyone else. My husband went to work everyday but his weekends and evenings were spent at home. We rarely went out and pertaining didn’t take vacations. Mydaughters are quite comfortable staying at home for days even months. They have no need to go out in the world and learned to look within themselves and their home for what they needed. They have a compass for navigating the outside world because they know where their true North Star is. 

But, it wasn’t like that for me when I was young. I am a boomer. I was one of the first groups of American children to be sent to Kindergarten. Daycare, Pre-School, and all day Kindergarten were in full swing by the time my GenX sister turned 4 in 1970. She had way more television to watch including lots of “children’s programming.” We went somewhere every single day and our days were spent going from one classroom to another consuming. After 12 years we were fully programmed to produce and consume and weigh all our worth by our ability to fulfill the expectations of authorities. We never dreamed of choosing a life purpose or direction. And, the ability to stay home was never an option.

The public education system in the US is not about education at all. It is about programming and keeping people out of the job world for as long as possible. The  system is quite effective because over the last 20 years post secondary education expense has produced an entire generation of educated people who start their lives in debt that will follow them well beyond their children becoming adults (if they can even afford to have children or their own homes). Unless the program glitches, they will remain on the treadmill. The program feeds on itself and cycles endlessly.

Our health care system has us looking outside of ourselves for cures, remedies, and answers. Our true freedom lies in knowing ourselves and our purpose; yet at every turn the programming runs it’s endless loop. How many independent thinkers do you know? Or true free people that have a purpose and rise above their programming? How many people are actually comfortable with being at home anymore? You get sick or have a disability – you are punished by the program and now have lost even more freedom.

Covid shut down schools and workplaces. It challenged our economy in so many ways. Our values will need to change. It makes people very uncomfortable way beyond the physical health challenges. When we are asked to mask or vaccinate, or cut down on going places, we feel like our freedom is being taken away. Really? Isn’t life more than going, spending, consuming, being cogs in the gear of an economy that has no interest in the individual, independence, or freedom? The economic crash and subsequent dust bowl of the 1920s-30’s, WWII, and the Vietnam War had the same affect on different groups of young people causing them in reevaluate their lives. The pandemic has even caused us to reevaluate our affect on the global climate and environment. Those events turned families and communities inside out much like the Covid pandemic has.

What is in your cart? Are you staring it? What is your purpose? I struggle with this every single day. I had to teach myself to be happy and to feel comfortable at home. I had to learn to trust myself and not look outward for validation or balance.No, it’s not easy. You need a big picture of the world and a scheme to make it start to fit together. You do need to believe in something. Tap into that emptiness above the atmosphere where there is no weather.

It is a “new year!” Way beyond resolutions or revelations or even predictions; we need a new alignment within ourselves. We need a purpose and a direction. What does it mean to be a human being in 2022? The world and humanity will be stronger and healthier if we all stop and reach out – connect – create a community within and without that doesn’t pivot on consuming and producing. 

The pandemic has allowed me the time to research my ancestry. I’m convinced the whole concept of home changes each generation. My grandparents coming of age in the 1920’s had a totally different relationship with home than my Greatest Generation parents. My Gen X daughter has a different concept than my Millennial daughter. But, nearly all of my ancestors had some concept of freedom, individuality, and purpose. They survived because they relied on themselves and their community. Their values ran deep and they believed in something greater than themselves or their value as a part of an economy. 

Where are we going? What is your purpose?

Eastons, Zabel’s, & Brennans Oh My!

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I now live in Brainerd, Minnesota. My mom reminded me that I had family here sorta. So I did some research. Remarkably, she lived to be 107 years old. I never met her but I did grow up on the property my grandparents bought from her sister. And, she sure looks like family.  Here is a rough sketch of how this branch of Zabel connects with the Easton and Brennan branch. Ellen & Ray were some of the nicest people you will ever meet. I know blog posts are better with photos; but, I just can’t find one that is appropriate.

Hank Easton married Amy Zabel (My Grandpa Mac’s sister)

Shirley Easton is Hank & Amy’s daughter

Which also makes her Ellen’s cousin

Ethel Esther Easton Hess is Hank Easton’s sister
She and Henry were born near St. Cloud (Fairhaven)
Ethel married George Hess and lived in Brainerd most of her life in a house next to where the YMCA is now
1877-1984 (107 years old)

They had one child. One was the pastor of the church
Her husband was a barber and owned several buildings in Brainerd. his family is also a longterm Brainerd family. They are all interred in the same section of Evergreen Cemetary.

Mabel Easton (Matthew) Brennan (who we bought the store from) is Ethyl & Hank Easton’s sister (thus also Ray’s Aunt)

Mabel, Ray, & Ethyl would be Grandpa Mac’s cousins (children of his sister Lenora (Nora) Zabel Easton

Raymond Calvin Easton – Henry Clay Easton’s brother
Making Ethel Easton Hess Ray’s Aunt
Ray’s First wife is Amanda Stave she died in 1963
Married Ellen Scharr 1964
Ellen Scharr Easton – Ray Easton’s second wife is Lenore (Nora) Zabel’s (Amy’s/Ray’s Mom’s Sister’s) Daughter – So Ray Easton married his cousin (by marriage)

Truman Easton married Ethyl Viola Zabel just to keep those branches hooked together. I can’t even get started between the Easton Scharr Zabel downline marriages. And, why why why did everyone name their kids the same thing?

Agenesis of Corpus Callosum Behavior

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I really like this from the National Organization for Disorders of the Corpus Callosum

Below is an overview of the behavioral characteristics which are often evident in individuals with DCC. Please understand every individual is different. The abilities and characteristics for each child or adult with DCC may vary.

Delays in attaining developmental milestones (for example, walking, talking, or reading). Delays may range from very subtle to highly significant.
Clumsiness and poor motor coordination, particularly on skills that require coordination of left and right hands and feet (for example: swimming, bike riding, tying shoes, driving).
Atypical sensitivity to sensory cues (for example: food textures, certain types of touch) but often with a high tolerance to pain.
Difficulties with multidimensional tasks, such as using language in social situations (for example: jokes, metaphors), appropriate motor responses to visual information (for example: stepping on others’ toes, handwriting runs off the page), and the use of complex reasoning, creativity and problem solving (for example: coping with math and science requirements in middle school and high school, budgeting).
Challenges with social interactions due to difficulty imagining potential consequences of behavior, being insensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others, and misunderstanding social cues (for example: being vulnerable to suggestion, gullible, and not recognizing emotions communicated by tone of voice).
Mental and social processing problems become more apparent with age, with problems particularly evident from junior high school into adulthood.
Limited insight into their own behavior, social problems, and mental challenges.
These symptoms occur in various combinations and severity. In many cases, they are attributed incorrectly to one or more of the following: personality traits, poor parenting, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, Nonverbal Learning Disability, specific learning disabilities, or psychiatric disorders. It is critical to note that these alternative conditions are diagnosed through behavioral observation.

In contrast, DCC is a definite structural abnormality of the brain diagnosed by an MRI. These alternative behavioral diagnoses may, in some cases, represent a reasonable description of the behavior of a person with DCC. However, they misrepresent the cause of the behavior.

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum Revelation

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IMG 5045Well it’s been quite a week. First Mico had a vet visit which went very well; but, requires that I manage supplements, new food, and massage daily. Then my 2012 Hyundai Santa Fe needed a new Intake Manifold and apparently new spark plugs and valve covers for a whopping $1,200.  Then, Wednesday I needed to take the SUV back to the shop because it was overheating. 

The heat moved in with the wildfire smoke from Oregon & Canada so being outdoors became rather miserable. THEN early Friday morning Maybelle, my youngest daughter now 20, sent me her MRI findings via text. My world jolted into a new paradigm.

She has near complete agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. 

Agenesis of the corpus callosum (ACC) is one of several disorders of the corpus callosum, the structure that connects the two hemispheres (left and right) of the brain. In ACC the corpus callosum is partially or completely absent.  It is caused by a disruption of brain cell migration during fetal development. ACC can occur as an isolated condition or in combination with other cerebral abnormalities, including Arnold-Chiari malformation, Dandy-Walker syndrome, schizencephaly (clefts or deep divisions in brain tissue), and holoprosencephaly (failure of the forebrain to divide into lobes.) Girls may have a gender-specific condition called Aicardi syndrome, which causes severe cognitive impairment and developmental delays, seizures, abnormalities in the vertebra of the spine, and lesions on the retina of the eye. ACC can also be associated with malformations in other parts of the body, such as midline facial defects. The effects of the disorder range from subtle or mild to severe, depending on associated brain abnormalities. Children with the most severe brain malformations may have intellectual impairment, seizures, hydrocephalus, and spasticity.  Other disorders of the corpus callosum include dysgenesis, in which the corpus callosum is developed in a malformed or incomplete way, and hypoplasia, in which the corpus callosum is thinner than usual.  Individuals with these disorders have a higher risk of hearing deficits and cardiac abnormalities than individuals with the normal structure. Impairments in social interaction and communication in individuals having a disorder of the corpus callosum may overlap with autism spectrum disorder behaviors.  It is estimated that at least one in 4,000 individuals has a disorder of the corpus callosum.

EVERYTHING makes sense now. I’ve spent the past few days going over her life in my mind. All the signs were there. We came so very close to professionals who could have made the diagnosis. It took an optometrist to actually order the MRI. My emotions are all over the place: sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, relief, joy, surprise,… Shifting gears from trying to get her up to “normal” into supporting her as she discovers her new normal which can’t be ike anyone else’s takes a lot of fitness of the clutch. I’m doing research and reviewing all my thoughts and feelings form the past 20 years.

Here are some of my first impressions:

* Professionals like nurses, doctors, teachers, & therapists should be familiar with ACC and know the symptoms. Had one person had the basic information that my niece said she did get in her basic college level psychology classes, we could have known that Maybelle had challenges that were not related to her personality or work ethic. And, was not related to what we were doing with parenting, diet, environment, behavior modification. I could have known that I was trying to teach a fish to climb a ladder. Would have saved me so much energy and time not to mention have given her the early intervention she needed.

* I can’t know how she perceives the world. She cannot know how I do. We can have conversations and accommodations; but, we live in very different worlds.

* Those with hidden disabilities are frequently discriminated against. This is particularly problematic for people with ACC because they don’t have the social cues or context for how to handle it. It’s the point where discrimination becomes abuse. Also, professionals who think they know it all but don’t know about ACC will send her down trails to nowhere in therapy or rehabilitation. I need to find ways to identify this and help her to learn to identify this and deflect it. She needs to build a strong sense of self as a person with ACC.

* As parents and teachers (I homeschooled my children), we take on great responsibility. Sometimes this responsibility is misplaced. I was once told by my therapist that homework completion is between the teacher and student and not something parents should get involved with. We are tempted to think it is our responsibility to hack education or parenting to offer support and resources in the right way for each child. With Maybelle this was impossible. Her behavior was annoying – interrupting, inattention, deflecting, stubbornness, rejection, lack of interest in anything really, inability to perform physical tasks. I tool on responsibility for all of it. In this full moon, I have released all of that. It was something I needed to learn. It’s easy once the child reaches adulthood; but, not if one feels like you have failed that child. My doctor was concerned when May wasn’t toilet trained at 18 months. I wasn’t, “some children just take longer.” She was toilet trained at age 3. Her dad tried very hard to teach her to ride a bike or climb a tree. She only learned to ride a bike at 18 and is still not the best bike rider. Now, it all makes sense. As parents we sucked with May but how could that be when we felt so successful with Jean May’s older sister? Now – we know though May’s father is no longer around to share this revelation.

I will post again as we head down this uncharted trail. Be Happy! Be Kind! Count your blessings!

It’s Just Too Hot

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IMG 4963Today was one of those days that beat me. It’s just too hot and I can’t even think straight. My car needs repairs (scheduled this week) so there is not option to go cruise with the AC on. Spent most of the day holed up in my room like it was a AirBnB. Watching YouTube videos, playing games on my phone, TikTok, and playing with new puppy, Brand.

Here he is minutes after landing in Minnesota from Alaska having his very first puppacino. It was met with much approval and he didn’t want to share. He even licked the whipped cream off Jean’s drink while she was distracted.

Brand is 15 weeks old. Seems to be adjusting quickly to his new home.

Still haven’t taken him outdoors much because it’s much hotter than Alaska right now and I’m afraid he will not like outside which isn’t an option for my lifestyle.

Supposedly temperatures are to return to normal tomorrow. I sure hope so – even rain is better than this heat and drought.

 

Feeling Moony

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Moonrise from my deck in Wasilla, Alaska

When I was a teenager, I discovered the poetry of a fellow Minnesotan, Robert Bly. This was before Iron John and his fame as translator of Pablo Naruda. His words touched me. I hauled his books of poetry to our cabin on Big Sandy Lake near McGregor, MN and always had one tucked in my pack.  Imagine my surprise today when we began the K12 Earth Science lesson on moon phases and it begins with poetry from Robert Bly.

After writing poems all day,
I go off to see the moon in the pines.
Far in the woods I sit down against a pine.
The moon has her porches turned to face the light,
But the deep part of her house is in the darkness.

-Robert Bly

full moon over black tree line

One of my earliest memories is seeing the moon over my Dad’s shoulder as he carried me home to my bed after the store closed. “My moon!” Mother moon was full and extraordinarily close when my Dad was called home on the shores of Lake Superior. He was born in a twin city, lived his whole life in twin cities, and died in a twin city. Our lives go through phases and sometimes we reflect more light than other times.

I do my Tai Chi in moonbeams – full, crescent, gibbous, and wuji.

Intermittent Eating

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Fasting

Yes you read the title correctly, Intermittent Eating. Most people call it intermittent fasting these days. The mere word fasting illicit a fear response in most people. Fasting is for aesthetics or yogis, right? Fasting or going without food is a sign of poverty, compliance, deprivation, austerity, suffering. It challenges everything we have ever thought about food & economics. Yet, fasting is very natural for people and most animals. Cats don’t fast 😉  After several years of this practice, I decided it should be called Intermittent Eating since the eating window is 8 hours but the “fasting” window is 16 hours. One thing I wish I had known when I started this lifestyle is that the eating is the most important part. Focusing on the fasting didn’t work so well for me. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

In 2016, I was sick. Weighed over 310 pounds, hurt constantly from arthritis, blood sugars were out of control on Insulin and other medications, and I was depressed. My youngest daughter turned 16 and I decided to take my own health into hand for the umpteenth time in my life. In 2010, I lost quite a bit of weight with the HCG diet. I’m not sure the HCG supplement did all that much for me; but, the restricted diet got the weight off and the allergens out of my system quickly. I’d also been Paleo for several years in the late 00’s which was great; but, a bit on the expensive and complicated. Being ADHD, it’s easy for me to hyper focus and be controlling. My doctors were useless. There was one Integrative Medicine doctor who managed to get me allergy testing and off of a lot of useless medications; but, most just insulted and ignored me. One particularly obnoxious doctor suggested that I stop drinking soda and eating potato chips. Really? I hadn’t had a soda or potato chip for 20 years at that point. I was angry and for me angry is motivational.

So 2016 – I decided to go Keto. True to my nature I went full steam ahead. Got off almost all my medication & Insulin. Because this was my decision, I didn’t feel deprived and wasn’t prone to cheating.  So, here is what I learned from my 2 years of Keto and 120 lbs of weight loss.

  • Keto is not just what you eat or don’t eat. It’s what you smell, touch, and even hear. The name of the game is really insulin control which is much more than macros or Bullet Proof coffee
  • When you eat what is still important
  • My body does not handle variations in fat intake well at all. 
  • Fiber is more important than you realize. Be sure to get lots of veggies even if they have a carb count
  • Not everything marked Keto is truly Keto. 
  • You need to decide what Keto is for you and what your goals are. 
  • Keto as a complete lifestyle option isn’t sustainable for me. (I really, really, really love buttered toast!)
  • Strict Keto will limit everything in your life and cheating or being lenient at all will cost you at least a day of feeling like crap

Even with the weight loss and newly gained Insulin control, I am still Diabetic. Yeah, I felt a lot better, had more energy, carried myself with more confidence, and had a renewed feeling of control over my life. Pain eased and I was able to do more things. I stayed low carb of course; but, gradually, I added in foods that I really missed and helped to stabilize my intestinal situation.

About this time Dr. Jason Fung became popular with is Intermittent Fasting system. His detailed explanation of Insulin control just makes sense. I have gradually transitioned to his system. But, again, the ADHD reared it’s head and I was fasting longer and longer because I zoned out eating until it was too late. Or, I couldn’t decide what to eat. Or, if fasting is the goal isn’t it better to just keep fasting as long as you can?  Yeah – nope! Your body needs food. Even if you are fat. When you fast matters as does the pact you have with your body to fast at times and eat at other times. 

Beth Manos Brickey Has a very balanced approach to Keto, healthy eating, and fasting.She focuses on gut health bringing light to the fact that what you eat doesn’t matter quite as much as how your body uses what you eat. If you like podcasts check out her Between Meals Podcast!

Her balanced approach started me reevaluating my relationship with food. I practice Qigong daily. It really helps me focus and deal with stress. Our Master advocates occasionally fasting for better focus and detoxification. He speaks about how it’s best to tell your body how long you will be fasting and then stick to that. Randomly extending a fast is not recommended. This got me to thinking bout my relationship between my body, ADHD, and food. How many times have I been guilty of extending a fast when intentionally or as a matter of poor planning? In Qigong we observe 5 element theory so when we eat food during the day is important. Your best fasting hours are between 6pm at night and 10 am in the morning. This isn’t far off the recommended 8-12. And, I don’t have a problem with how long to fast; but, eating before 6 at night seems to be very difficult. It’s still a long term goal to get my fasting schedule more in line with the TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) recommendations. Foods are best eaten within their season or time of day. Avoiding ginger after 5 at night or eating greens during the Springtime for example.

Then, it dawned on me that the focus is not on fasting. The focus is on eating. What, when, where, how you eat is what nurtures your body and soul. I have been on Intermittent Eating for a couple years now. No weight gain or changes in my diabetes so far. Sure I could be better; but, this is balanced. And, coming from this perspective leaves me much less stressed or feeling guilty. I allow myself the occasional coveted slice of buttered toast too. I no longer eat any foods I don’t like just because they are healthy. I don’t worry about variety as long as I’m feeling good. I think listening to my body is the best thing I’ve learned from all this.

Occasionally, I fast for multiple days without any eating break. This helps reset my system and calm down any issues from “transgressions” or illness. I no longer life in fear of gastric upset or illness from eating something out of the Keto range. After 50 years of dieting and watching my weight, I feel I have arrived at a very good place. Though it’s not easy. I need to plan to eat and make sure I actually stop during the eating hours to fix nutritious food and EAT it! I’m never hungry. Sometimes, I do want a certain food; but, it’s fine for me to fix that during my eating hours. I don’t snack nor do I worry about 3 meals a day. My Diabetes seems perfectly happy with this. Insulin control is great except when I smell sweets or the neighbor’s BBQ sauce. LOL. I need to balance protein with vegetables; but, I can have rice or potatoes within reason.

Dr Hon Lee says that the problem with most every diet is that they are attached to negative emotions. Negative emotions in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) cause blockages which eventually can cause negative health issues like Diabetes and Obesity. For me Intermittent Eating carries a lot fewer negative emotions and perceptions than Intermittent Fasting. Wish I had known this a few years ago. Just felt I needed to share.

 

Cyber Nut

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113402DC CA34 4C6E 86BA 739C4628E59EThis is a Timex Sinclair 1000 gifted to me by my sister-in-law Mary Ellen.  In 1983-1985 I spent way too much time hand coding in games from dime store magazines into this computer. It was my first venture with coding and precision. I often spent whole days at it. One mistake and the game didn’t work. No we didn’t have the internet to look up bugs or to streamline or simplify the process. No cut/copy/paste. Just good old hand entry of code. I would frequently not eat or be late to pick up my husband at work. No cell phones either. Just a step beyond punch cards. This was a personal computer in those days.

I moved to Alaska in 1985 and didn’t have much time for coding. I started work at the University of Alaska, Anchorage in the School of Engineering. There we had a VAX mainframe computer and some of the professors had IBM personal computers I had a Hewlette Packard workstation that connected to the mainframe. The on switch was a mechanical toggle on the back. You turned on all the peripherals like the screen, modem, printers, etc and then you booted the terminal. 

Shortly after that my Sister-in-law acquired a Commodore from Montgomery Wards. We could connect by dial up modem on our phone line to the university computer where we could chat, email, and share files. It wasn’t quite the internet but closer.

My husband had an IBM ThinkPad from work. On weekends we would use the LYNX browser to access the internet. It wasn’t fast and you didn’t get photos; but, it was exotic and alluring.You still couldn’t talk on the phone and use the line as a modem for the computer. 

I acquired a word processor which was a huge step up from a typewriter. Still not really a computer. Then someone gave me a kaypro II in the early 90’s. They had upgraded so it was an older computer but new to me. It ran ancestry software and games and multiple word-processing options. Still no real internet but we did have email.

Kaypro II1The Kaypro was replaced by WebTV and I quickly learned to do email, lists, some social media, and build websites on WebTV and Yahoo. Oh my! This was the rabbit hole. I spent nearly all my time in front of the TV clacking away on the keyboard. After a few years of WebTV my sister-in-law obtained an iMAC. I never used it but my daughter Jean became a real iMAC jockey. I received a few more used computers. Now these were full Windows PCs and I replaced Wordstar and WordPerfect with WORD. I learned to hyperlink and quickly found my way around social media. I began updating then designing and eventually hosting and building websites. By 2004 I had some 200 websites with my name Lazytea on them. 

By 2010 I was proficient in Ruby on Rails, CSS, HTML, HTML 5, CSS, Javascript, and I could build W#C compliant websites. Dreamweaver & Corel Paint Shop Pro became my daily work tools. I learned how to manage SQL and build on various content management platforms. I even had my own virtual server until it all came crashing down in the late 2010’s to hackers mostly from Russia. They violated every little flaw in the management coding, server security, and html that they could find. My websites crashed and refreshed. I spent hour upon hour restoring sites only to have them hacked again. Security was too expensive for most of my clients so I was forced to stop hosting and because simply maintaining sites. I enjoyed the work immensely; and I enjoyed working with clients until it came time to manage billing and renweals. I really needed a secretary or financial assistant. I would bill and then the clients would ask for the moon before they paid. They didn’t understand how much I was doing without charging them. Never once did I charge to restore a website or fix some odd thing that they had given me incorrectly in the first place. I grew reluctant to bill. Some people wanted to barter and that was fine. But, domain names and hosting cost me cash so I couldn’t barter for everything.

And, I grew tired of explaining to people that music and gifs from the 90’s just weren’t appropriate on websites in the 2000s. Remember Hampster Dance? Yeah – they wanted their websites to play songs and have dancing hamsters or dogs or whatever. As content and design became separated even farther, I spent even more time explaining that they couldn’t just have something different on every page. It got to be all too much. In 2015, I said goodbye to all but a few websites. 

I had a series of DELL Windows PCs for most of my serious working time. Then, finally this summer after making a big of spending cash with the US Census, I bought myself a MacBook Pro. I love it! It can go with me wherever I go. It’s fast, clean, intuitive and perfect for my lifestyle and online life. 

Seems quite a change from a dial tone phone and Timex Sinclair to an iPhone and a MacBook. Oh and I love my Apple Watch. I wonder what the next 20 years will bring. I’ll get into my thought on social media more in a future post.